Make Art, Not War

How Do I Love When I Don't Feel Like it?
by Cory MacNeil

Most of us have believe that love feels great.  You know, the way you feel when you read the words in a Hallmark card.  The  cards show us  pictures of cupids shooting arrows into people's hearts.  The victims live happily ever after.  But lets face it, love doesn't always feel good!  In fact, sometimes it feels a lot like an arrow in the heart.  Country artists make a fortune singing about relational scars.  The tabloids at the check out feature people who failed to love well. The truth is, some of you are at wits end right now in some of your relationships.  The problem is, loving is easy, until there are actual people involved!  So, what is the solution?

Maybe you've tried to feel good about someone and it just didn't work.  Try as you might, the ugly feelings just wouldn't go away.  In fact, you felt worse, because guilt kicked in.  We're so good at criticizing ourselves.  We say things to ourselves like: "I'm just not a good Christian".  Or, "I'm a terrible pastor, or spouse, or daughter".  You get the idea.  

The problem with guilt is....it leaves you feeling guilty.  Right when we're supposed to be loving others, our sight turns inward.  Sometimes we feel helpless.  The last thing you want to do while feeling helpless, is love someone with all your might.  Guilt also tells us to overcompensate.  It makes sense to take the kids to Disney to make up for all the missed ball games and daddy dates throughout the year.

Jesus never meant love to be so complicated.  Few places in scripture  tell us how Jesus felt around difficult people.  What we do have are records of how he acted and behaved.  We too, are leaving a record for the public as well as our loved ones.  The question is, what kind of videos are we leaving?  Are we known  as someone who loves well?

Instead of examining our own feelings, what if  we took our eyes off of ourselves.  Why not focus on the needs of others?  After all, our feelings deceive us, right?  We've all  had those days when we FEEL like we're dying, when in fact we're healthy. We've all felt insignificant, when in fact we are helping many people.  You get the idea. 

When we take loving actions, sometimes the feelings will follow...sometimes, not always.  Feelings are never to take the place of real love.  We love our wives, whether we feel like it or not.  We work and provide for our families whether we feel like it or not.  We take care of our bodies, especially when we don't feel like it.  If  you wait for loving feelings, you may be waiting a loooooooong time!

What if you decided to just obey God's command to love Him and others.  That kind of obedience brings a blessing.  It's not a matter of how you feel, it's a matter of taking action!  Love takes out the garbage.  Love does the dishes.  Love listens.  Love turns the other cheek.  Love goes the extra mile.  Love blesses those who persecute her.  Love takes an active interest in the lives of others, especially those most unloveable.  Love is a verb.  

This is the mature love the Apostle Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians, chapter 13.  He teaches us that love is supreme.  Gene Getz put it this way, "Love is the capstone for faith, because love believes all things.  It is also the capstone for hope, because "love hopes all things".  Love is the greatest, because it "never fails" (The Measure of a Man, 2004, pg. 51).

There was a man named John in the New Testament who learned how to love.   The son of a wealthy fisherman, John left his nets to follow Jesus.  The bible tells us John was an angry man. He and his brother were the 'sons of thunder'.  

John also wanted power.  His mother made a special request of Jesus.  She wanted him to give her sons prominent places of honor in Jesus' kingdom.  She wanted them to be his left and right hand men.  To make matters worse, she voiced her petition in public.  Still,  Jesus had a special love for John despite  John's faults!  You or I would have unfriended  John, but Jesus took pains to lead and teach John.   

Because of the love Jesus showered upon John, John went on to write The Gospel of John.  He also penned first, second, and third John as well as The book of Revelation.  How was this all possible, you may ask?  The answer is simple.  Love.

John learned how to love by being the direct recipient of love.  And not only just any kind of love, but the love of the master!  John chose to love others after experiencing the life changing love of Christ.   A man who longed for power, prestige and peace found all these things.  But he found them by going around the barn.  He found them when he discovered his position in Jesus.  He learned God really loved him despite his weaknesses and lack of social graces.    

He later wrote: "These things have I written into you that believe on the name of the Son of God:  that ye may know that he have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God". (1 John 5:13).  Wow!  What better way to say 'I love you.'  

John loved us so much, 

he left us these beautiful words 

to remind us how much God loves us!  

Loving God and others isn't measured by the depth of our warm fuzzy feelings.  Yes, feelings can be wonderful, but they're not always trustworthy.  True love trusts God's command to love him and others despite our feelings.  Even when it doesn't feel good.

#20- The Key To Unlocking Your Dreams in 2015

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to have all of the luck?  I've been there.  It's so easy to take a look around and see people finding success in areas that you are failing in.  Social media only exacerbates the problem.  Rarely do people post about their failures, all we get to see are their celebrations.

In our latest series at church entitled "Change Anything!" we've been talking about the importance of planning and reaching our goals in 2015.  This series is based on a book called "Change Anything" by Kerry Patterson and Joseph Grenny.  You can find this book on Amazon.com.  I found the book very insightful.

Early on in the series, we made the statement, based on the book, that "we don't lack willpower, we are just blind in certain areas of our lives'.  This is important to understand because willpower can only take you so far.  More than willpower, you need to have a plan and educate yourself if you're going to reach your goals.

More than a plan and personal education, you need social support.  You need to be around people who know your dream and are cheering for you.  Likewise, you may have to disassociate with people who want to sabotage your plan.  These people are easy to recognize because they say things like: "You've changed" or "You never cared before", not to mention the classic jab: "What, are you too good for us?"

Once you examine your own weaknesses and temptations, you are are ready to map out a plan.  Write down the necessary steps that have to be taken.  Come up with more than one way you are going to counter the things that tend to make you deviate from making a bee line to your goal.  For example, you may set up alarms on your cell phone to remind you of your vulnerable times.  Or, you might wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it every time you find yourself thinking self- defeating thoughts.
While you're at it, make plans to reward yourself when you reach incremental goals.  Promise to buy yourself that new book on Friday if you've reached your goal for the week.  Rewarding and punishing yourself along the way will help you stay on track.

Sooner or later, despite your best efforts, you will fall.  Get back up again and keep on going.  Learn from your mistakes.  Take the information you've learned from your failure and use it to better refine your plan.

Change is hard work.  If you don't roll up your sleeves and get to work on your plan, you'll get rolled up in the motions of just getting by.  Don't depend on the things that have helped others, customize a plan that is going to work for you.  You don't have to run 5 miles a day like your neighbor, maybe a brisk walk every other day is a better fit.  Maybe you'll have to start out by just walking a hundred yards down the road and back.

Studies have shown that most plans work: the problem is most people never work their plan.  You don't have to be one of the 98% who make a New Years resolution and blow it by February 1st.  Find a plan that works for you and stick to it.

What happens is the snow ball effect begins to take place: your little changes add up to one big change. Again, change by the yard is hard, but change by the inch is a cinch.  

You don't have to go it alone; I've written a book to help you begin your journey called "Life Coaching: 7 Myths Keeping You From Your Best Year Yet."

In the meantime, I'd love to hear any thoughts you might have on this topic.

#19- A Recipe for Unhappiness

One of the surprises after 40 for me has been an increased appreciation of life.  When I was younger I would have told you I was happy, but in actuality my journey was one of unmet expectations: the more I achieved the more I wanted to achieve; the more I made, the more I wanted to make.  You get the idea.  Harmless, you may say: it’s human nature to be unappreciative of what we have.  Human nature, yes.  But harmless?  No.

In fact, a mindset of scarcity can lead you on a marathon in pursuit of God knows what.  It might mean the unnecessary pursuit of professional degrees: get one and you want more.  Or else, you may go through an army of mates and lose ‘the one’ in the meantime.  Other folks end up frozen to death at the top of Mount Everest in their pursuits.  However you add it up, we’re talking about the disease of MORE.  

There’s nothing sadder than the fact that some people are never satisfied with what they have, right up until their dying day!

The golden years do not come when we are retired and lacking in health.  The golden years are now.  We each have only 24 precious hours a day and it’s up to each one of us to decide how we’ll spend them.  Let’s be honest, it’s amazing how long the seasons of discontent in our lives can last if we let them.  Decide to be happy now.  Sometimes our unhappiness is the result of an endless pursuit of the unattainable.  Maybe the best time to execute your plan is today.  Don’t wait until all of the stars are perfectly aligned and all of the lights in the universe are green at the same time- it’s not going to happen!  

Let’s face it, when we wait to celebrate later when there’s more time, we often miss out. In reality, our children will never be this old again; we’ll never pass exactly this way, and today’s date will only be a historical event come tomorrow.  The only thing we have right now is the PRESENT!

So, what will you do with your present today?  Are you going to continue looking forward to the future and miss out on now?  Why not make the choice to savor what you do have?  Enjoy the now.  It’s like a friend of mine once said: “Wherever you are, be all there!” 

Wherever you are, I hope and pray that you will make the most of today.  Rejoice now, don’t wait until you’ve got IT altogether, whatever IT may be.  Sit and have a cup of coffee with your spouse- the dirty laundry will still be there ten minutes from now.  Take an extra long walk.  Spend some time looking at old photo albums.  Take a nap.  You get the idea: most of us are over achievers who just need to take it easy once in awhile.  When's the last time you went for a joy ride without an actual destination in mind?  Sometimes making the most of today means taking it easy.

Please be sure to comment if this post has resonated with you  today!