How Do I Overcome F.O.M.O?

by Cory MacNeil

F.O.M.O is a common disease today.  The crux of the matter is there is so much going on in the world that we can't possibly keep up with it.  People are making new posts, new inventions are being announced, there's now a better way of doing things than yesterday....It leaves us with F.O.M.O (Fear of Missing Out).  Did anyone like my post?  Did anyone text me about going out for coffee this afternoon?  You get the idea.  The easy stage of F.O.M.O is the diagnosis, the difficult part is treatment.

A common form of F.O.M.O takes place on Facebook.  You find yourself checking out the site despite the fact that it always leaves you feeling numb.  Why?  The problem is that people on FB tend to put their best foot forward.  If you're not careful, you'll find yourself comparing your average day to other people's highlight reels.  And rest assured people will post about the smallest highlight.  They'll show you a picture of their gourmet lunch, their weight loss graphs, the receiving of their honorary degree and their acceptance at Harvard.

If you struggle with F.O.M.O, it's quite possible that you are trying to keep up with others.  Degrees are wonderful and so are blessings as well as honors and weight loss.  Kudos to you if you've posted about any of these things.  But if the success of others is causing you grief, chances are there's a lack of contentedness in your own life.  If this makes you backup for a minute, that's o.k.  If it makes you hot under the collar, get over it.  Instead of trying to keep up with others (impossible in some cases) you want to GROW, and anytime you attempt to do so, there will be growing pains.  So grow up.

Ask yourself why you're dissatisfied with your own reel.  Maybe it's time you unplug from the media stream for awhile or make a rule for yourself about constantly checking for updates.  Turn off the notification noises on your phone.  Read a good book anytime you get the urge to surf.  Take a walk.  Reflect.  Write a letter.  Call a friend (I like that one but it's amazing how little we optimize it with the advent of texting).  Instead of copying the reels of others, recognize the intense beauty and uniqueness of your own.  When you cherish the intimate moments in your own life (your child attempting to catch raindrops under the eaves while waiting for the bus) you begin to build a treasury archive that is a limited edition for you and you alone.  Post all of your highlights and you'll be left with nothing of your own to relish.  Rather than being dissatisfied, choose today to bask in your own contentedness.

If none of these things work, there's something else you can do.  Celebrate with others who are celebrating!  That's right, it's counter intuitive.  You don't have to flatter people....that's not right either, but you can rally with people who have something to really celebrate.  Someone has said, never have so many lives so little lived, been so highly recorded.  That may be true.  But some people really have something to be happy about.  

Looking for a change?  Rather than posting every highlight of your own, post sparingly about yourself.  Instead, go about affirming others.  Make encouraging comments.  Use exclamation points!  Add value to their lives.  Be a Facebook pastor (encourager).  But don't be a cop either.  Many times, LOVE keeps it's mouth shut and prays.  Affirm the positive and disregard the mess.  Don't you just love it when someone notices every little thing you do or say that's wrong?  Let's face it, despite all of the negative things that have come along with media, there are some wonderful aspects.  Make the transformation from a critic to one who inspires. 

It's fine if you hate FB.  Join the crowd, many do.  But it's still a wonderful way to monitor what's going on in the lives of the people you care about.  And it's a wonderful way to bless others we don't see on an ordinary basis.

Posting valuable content and only receiving a couple likes while watching a "shallow" post garner 150 likes is only frustrating if you allow it to be.  (Tweetable).

If you're like most, you're not only afraid of missing out on new info, you're afraid of missing out on the wave of popularity others are riding.  Nobody likes to eat dust.  Most people like instant success and popularity, but the problem is IT doesn't work that way.  Begin adding value to the lives of others (especially the obscure and unloved) and this can change, but it doesn't happen overnight.  In the meantime, you have to believe that what you're doing is noble and worthy of your time.  Weeping endures for a night, but joy comes in the morning.  The problem is some nights last for months and years and many aren't willing to wait that long.  Are you with me?

But the artist creates, regardless of recognition or positive feedback.  They don't demand rewards from the Law of Reciprocity for every little bit of value they add to the lives of others.  The artist is happy with little or no reward if only he has the opportunity to exercise his craft.  

So, the good news about F.O.M.O is that it's curable.  Rather than falling victim to it, celebrate not only your own journey, but the journey of others.  You be the cheerleader of others regardless of any return and you might just experience something greater than a like or two.  

#24- The 'New' Commodity
by Cory MacNeil

This past week we took a cruise to the Bahamas and experienced some of the best customer service ever.  Sadly, the people who waited on us make very little in the way of monetary compensation.  However, on the upside, they are able to take what money they make and live very well in the countries they come from.  That, in my opinion, is a good thing.  The bad thing is that they work seven days a week for 6-7 months and put in very long days.  I admire their strong work ethic but just wish there was an easier way for them.  To make matters worse, you prepay all of your tips when you cruise and don't know where your dollars are actually going.

So how do you meet the needs of others beyond giving them cash?

In his classic book 'The Five Love Languages', Dr. Gary Chapman suggests the following ways:

1.  Acts of Kindness.
2.  Time.
3.  Touch.
4.  Words of Affirmation.
5.  Gifts.

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Chapman rightly argues that different people require different forms of love.  My own personal love language (when I feel most loved by others) occurs when others make time for me and use words of affirmation.  What is yours?

Some of you may feel loved when your spouse serves you breakfast in bed.

Some of you may feel loved when your Dad opts out of golf with his buddies to help you fix your kitchen sink.

Some of you may feel loved when someone you care about hugs you or puts their arm around you.

Some of you may feel loved when someone you esteem highly says: "Great Job!'.

And some of you feel loved when you receive a new ring or gift card from somebody.

Tweet this!  Ultimately, love has always been and will continue to be our greatest commodity.  We may run out of money, but we have an abounding source of something more precious than gold if we'll only learn to live and love creatively.

So how did I love on the people who served me while cruising?  Eventually, my burden for and appreciation of them caused me to tip them above and beyond what I prepaid.  However, aside from what I did for them financially, I gave them the best that I had to offer in the form of kindness and respect.  By the end of the trip I truly felt as though they were friends.

On a good note, while tipping our cabin attendant I learned he was finishing his tour today and heading home for a couple of months to visit his wife and two young daughters!  To say I was excited for him would be an understatement.  Why?  Because he had loved my family this week by ensuring that our cabin was well kept and organized.

The love we have and share with others can be traced back to it's source in God.  "God SO loved the world, that He GAVE us Jesus!".  God also says if we believe, He will give us the POWER to become the sons of God!".

As sons, we are like the Father who makes it rain on the just and the unjust.  Unlike, MOST, we are to return good for ill.  How can we do this?  Perhaps a better question is 'How can we not?"

Chances are, you've encountered someone who is unloveable today or this past week.  I promise that if you haven't you will SOON!  Write it down.  When you do, you'll be challenged (should you accept the challenge) to learn that person's love language and speak accordingly.  As my good friend and pastor Roscoe Lilly is fond of saying: "WE CAN'T LEAD OUR ENEMIES TO CHRIST!"  The best way to defeat your enemy is to make him or her your friend.

If I ever cruise again, I've made the decision to save ahead of time so that I will have copious amounts of cash to bless those who serve me.  You may not be in a position to do that yourself, but I pray that regardless of where you go, you will be alert and sensitive to the ways God is trying to love others through you, be it via smile, handshake, kind words, etc.  An amazing transformation is waiting in the wings for those who attempt to increase our Gross National Product of Love!

May the Lord bless you and make His face to shine upon you all the days of your life.

If you've enjoyed this article, check out some of the others.

#22- Are You Manipulating People?

There's a lot of talk these days about adding value to the lives of others.  The underlying premise is that if you continually bless people they will feel the need to reciprocate.  So then, the underlying reason for you to help someone is because there will be some kind of PAYBACK.  Did you hear alarms going off while you read the last sentence?

The conundrum is as follows.

1.  Many of us are not comfortable with the idea that we may be manipulating someone.  

2.  Many of us desire to go the 'extra mile' for others, but are concerned that we may take advantage of someone in the process.

In summary, we want to shine and go the extra mile but we do not want to hurt people in the process.

These ideas seem simple on the surface, but anyone who has treaded these deep waters understands the dilemma.

Should we stop being a blessing to others?  Of course not.  However, if you battle with feeling manipulative there is hope.  Now if you are manipulative, that's a whole other issue.  

Naturally, SOME people will feel a need to reciprocate when you customize your services to meet their needs to a tee.  Ironically, many will not.  Either way, the response of others should not stop us from going above and beyond the call of duty in our daily travels.  Regardless of our station in life, we have the OPPORTUNITY to do our very best everyday under all circumstances.  I don't know about you, but I think that's good news!  We can all be artists.

You heard me right.  When we serve with excellence, we will receive paybacks but we also have the opportunity to create art.  Moses shared this idea when he captured the masterpiece we call Creation in the book of Genesis.  God creates 'good and beautiful things' for others and so can we.

Again, when you start adding value in the lives of others you will and should receive compensation in some cases.  Paul said that he who sows spiritual things should receive carnal things in return from those they serve.  However, while people can deny you compensation for your services, they CANNOT deny you the pleasure you receive when you do something well.  In fact, for many artists, the feeling of accomplishment far outweighs the monetary rewards.  For instance, have you ever considered the fact that visual art can be readily distributed at no cost to the consumer and no material gain to the artist?  You see this in branding.  For example, you can walk down the aisle of the grocery store and admire branding- for example the script on a can of Coke- and not make a purchase.  When you do, the artist who created the brand receives no payment, yet his work endures for years.

While your fellow man may not compensate you for your continual efforts, you can rest assured that you will be rewarded some how, some way, for your continual efforts when you go about doing good.  Why?  Because when we sow bountifully, we reap bountifully.

Maybe you know of someone who has been recognized by others for their continual excellence in service, yet you've failed to bless them despite the fact they've enriched you.  Rather than being jealous, you might consider recognizing them in some way, be it a letter, or email, phone call, etc.  Perhaps you might even be led to repay them for their services in some way.

In the meantime, stop feeling guilty about doing excellent work and go out and be artistic.

#13- Love Is a Verb

Here is a snippet from my latest book taken from the introduction.  

When I was just a young boy, I used to visit my grandfather’s dairy farm in upstate New York. To this day, I’ve never encountered such a mystical place on the entire planet. It was a world unto itself and I was blessed to spend many wonderful hours roaming its magical landscape.

One winter my grandfather decided to get one of the old snowmobiles running for me to ride. I can still see him in the dim old barn pulling on the pull cord for hours and smell the ether he sprayed into the carburetor. He only had a limited amount of time in the afternoon between the morning and evening milkings and that day he spent it resurrecting the old Sno Jet.

By day’s end, the fields surrounding the barn were laced with pink ribbons in the setting sun and I was ready for some hot chocolate.

My grandfather passed away on August 11, 1995 but I’ve never forgotten the story of his love.

Speaking of stories, this book was a lot of fun to write and I hope it will be equally enjoyable to read! William Shakespeare I am not, but I truly believe this book has the potential to help you, regardless of where you are on your journey. If I could emphasize just one thing, it’s this: start today. Whether you decide to just pen some doggerel on a scrap of brown paper bag or go out and buy a fancy leather bound journal, start now. Ready-Go-Set!

I hope your heart was warmed by this story.  My grandfather's single act of love has spoken volumes to me throughout the years.  I hope it will encourage all of us to carve out and make time for 'others'.  What better time to make a difference than the holidays.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all!  Stick around in 2015 and we'll help you have your best year yet.  In the meantime, stay tuned in the days to come as I release more samples from the book.  

The following sample was taken from my latest book: "Set the Hook!  5 Powerful Storytelling Secrets."

#11- 3 Tools to Help You Rewrite Your Life

On June 1st  this past year I received the following text:  “Happy Birthday!  This will be your best year yet!”  Yeah, Yeah, Yeah I thought to myself.  How does he know?

Backing up some, this past year started out as business as usual.  Despite accomplishments in the past I had gravitated toward the path of least resistance.  Some of you know exactly what I’m talking about.  

That all changed when I made a friend who began coaching me back toward the mountain.  The results have been phenomenal!  Not even a year later, I’ve written four books, started a blog and platform, regained balance, increased leadership skills and maintained a high level of personal satisfaction.  Upon reflection, I can truly say it’s been my best year yet!

Recently we proclaimed from the rooftops that despite your past, you have the power to write the next chapter of your life.  I also shared with you my latest book and the potential it has to improve not only your writing but your life.  

Yes, I still want you to buy the book!  But in the meantime I wanted to share 3 tools that will help you write the best chapter yet of your life.

• The first tool on the list is a D.I.S.C test.  They can be found online for free or purchased.  Again, you usually get what you pay for.  This test has the potential to open your eyes more than you could ever imagine.  It will not only tell you how you are wired, but give you a roadmap for the future as well as an explanation of the past.  Whatever you do, make sure you team up with someone who can help you to unpack the test results.

• The second tool is outsourcing.  We all have a limited amount of time and many things      we’d like to accomplish.  When you outsource, other people work for you while you sleep or work on things that only you can do.  There are many websites to get you started.  Two of mine are Fiverr (hire a freelancer to do a particular job) and Elance.  If you've enjoyed this blog and want to investigate Elance, here is an affiliate link :https://www.elance.com/?rid=4T3ZM.  These types of sites allow you to hire virtual assistants, some with skills you don’t possess for a relatively inexpensive fee.  For example, rather than teaching yourself photoshop you save a ton of time paying someone who has mastered it.  The cover of ‘Set the Hook’ was produced by an Elance freelancer.

-The third tool is a coach!  Surprise, Surprise, I won’t apologize.  Like virtual assistants, in the words of pastor/teacher Andy Stanley: “A mentor will help you go further, faster!”  I’ve found this true in my own life and guarantee you the same results.  The last time I met with my coach, he provided me with information and tools to help me in a matter of minutes.  That’s right, in an hour’s time, I received the fruits of his labor and experience- some of which took years to acquire.

I still remember the “This will be your best year yet!” text like it was yesterday.  The question is can this be your best year yet?  That’s up to you.  If you’re looking for help, be sure to download a copy of my latest book.  What are your thoughts?  Please feel free to comment below!

Here’s the link: B00R4UBKB2