Make Art, Not War

How Do I Love When I Don't Feel Like it?
by Cory MacNeil

Most of us have believe that love feels great.  You know, the way you feel when you read the words in a Hallmark card.  The  cards show us  pictures of cupids shooting arrows into people's hearts.  The victims live happily ever after.  But lets face it, love doesn't always feel good!  In fact, sometimes it feels a lot like an arrow in the heart.  Country artists make a fortune singing about relational scars.  The tabloids at the check out feature people who failed to love well. The truth is, some of you are at wits end right now in some of your relationships.  The problem is, loving is easy, until there are actual people involved!  So, what is the solution?

Maybe you've tried to feel good about someone and it just didn't work.  Try as you might, the ugly feelings just wouldn't go away.  In fact, you felt worse, because guilt kicked in.  We're so good at criticizing ourselves.  We say things to ourselves like: "I'm just not a good Christian".  Or, "I'm a terrible pastor, or spouse, or daughter".  You get the idea.  

The problem with guilt is....it leaves you feeling guilty.  Right when we're supposed to be loving others, our sight turns inward.  Sometimes we feel helpless.  The last thing you want to do while feeling helpless, is love someone with all your might.  Guilt also tells us to overcompensate.  It makes sense to take the kids to Disney to make up for all the missed ball games and daddy dates throughout the year.

Jesus never meant love to be so complicated.  Few places in scripture  tell us how Jesus felt around difficult people.  What we do have are records of how he acted and behaved.  We too, are leaving a record for the public as well as our loved ones.  The question is, what kind of videos are we leaving?  Are we known  as someone who loves well?

Instead of examining our own feelings, what if  we took our eyes off of ourselves.  Why not focus on the needs of others?  After all, our feelings deceive us, right?  We've all  had those days when we FEEL like we're dying, when in fact we're healthy. We've all felt insignificant, when in fact we are helping many people.  You get the idea. 

When we take loving actions, sometimes the feelings will follow...sometimes, not always.  Feelings are never to take the place of real love.  We love our wives, whether we feel like it or not.  We work and provide for our families whether we feel like it or not.  We take care of our bodies, especially when we don't feel like it.  If  you wait for loving feelings, you may be waiting a loooooooong time!

What if you decided to just obey God's command to love Him and others.  That kind of obedience brings a blessing.  It's not a matter of how you feel, it's a matter of taking action!  Love takes out the garbage.  Love does the dishes.  Love listens.  Love turns the other cheek.  Love goes the extra mile.  Love blesses those who persecute her.  Love takes an active interest in the lives of others, especially those most unloveable.  Love is a verb.  

This is the mature love the Apostle Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians, chapter 13.  He teaches us that love is supreme.  Gene Getz put it this way, "Love is the capstone for faith, because love believes all things.  It is also the capstone for hope, because "love hopes all things".  Love is the greatest, because it "never fails" (The Measure of a Man, 2004, pg. 51).

There was a man named John in the New Testament who learned how to love.   The son of a wealthy fisherman, John left his nets to follow Jesus.  The bible tells us John was an angry man. He and his brother were the 'sons of thunder'.  

John also wanted power.  His mother made a special request of Jesus.  She wanted him to give her sons prominent places of honor in Jesus' kingdom.  She wanted them to be his left and right hand men.  To make matters worse, she voiced her petition in public.  Still,  Jesus had a special love for John despite  John's faults!  You or I would have unfriended  John, but Jesus took pains to lead and teach John.   

Because of the love Jesus showered upon John, John went on to write The Gospel of John.  He also penned first, second, and third John as well as The book of Revelation.  How was this all possible, you may ask?  The answer is simple.  Love.

John learned how to love by being the direct recipient of love.  And not only just any kind of love, but the love of the master!  John chose to love others after experiencing the life changing love of Christ.   A man who longed for power, prestige and peace found all these things.  But he found them by going around the barn.  He found them when he discovered his position in Jesus.  He learned God really loved him despite his weaknesses and lack of social graces.    

He later wrote: "These things have I written into you that believe on the name of the Son of God:  that ye may know that he have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God". (1 John 5:13).  Wow!  What better way to say 'I love you.'  

John loved us so much, 

he left us these beautiful words 

to remind us how much God loves us!  

Loving God and others isn't measured by the depth of our warm fuzzy feelings.  Yes, feelings can be wonderful, but they're not always trustworthy.  True love trusts God's command to love him and others despite our feelings.  Even when it doesn't feel good.

One Opportunity You Don't Want to Miss
by Cory MacNeil

As a pastor, I'm always looking to take things to the next level.  The looming question is, "what can I do to improve this situation, relationship, infrastructure, etc?  The problem is it's so easy to get caught up in progress that we fail to do one important thing.

The fact you are reading this post indicates your interest in getting the most out of life.  But when is the last time you took time to celebrate your accomplishments?  What happens is that things in motion, have a tendency to stay in motion.  While you're busy getting slimmer, wiser, savy, and more spiritual, don't miss the plot.  Take the opportunity to reflect and appreciate your hard work.

"All work and no play, makes Jack a dull boy."
"All work and no play, makes Jill a dull girl."

Rainy days can be an overachiever's worst enemy or their best friend.  Why?  Because they derail progress for the day (or can).  Or, you can use them to do something you ordinarily wouldn't.

Last night I went to bed an hour early.  This morning I got up an hour late and drove the length of Lake George.  I bought a cup of coffee from Stewarts.  Once home, I walked barefoot in the yard on the wet grass.  I talked with my one remaining chicken for a few minutes.  Her name is Peaches, in case you were wondering.  I put out the recycling and trash cans.  I stood back and looked at my half- painted house from a distance.  I caught up on social media and email.  And now I'm taking a few minutes to write.

So when is the last time you ditched your routine for awhile and smelled the coffee?  It may sound ironic, but sometimes less is more.  Less sawing and a little sharpening makes for more cut wood.  It's SO easy to keep hacking with a dull ax when it only takes a little bit of time to resharpen and refocus.  This principle applies to all areas of life, not just wood chopping.

A few moments or hours of reflection can take you farther than a years worth of work.

During your downtime, you can watch your children play- study their motions, watch them swim.

Reread a small piece of your manuscript and make a few corrections.

Watch the wind make the flowers, grass and trees in your yard dance.

Study some ants on your sidewalk for twenty minutes.

Walk your yard and check out the details.

Write a poem.

Pen a love letter to your spouse.

There is a difference between working for a living and living for work.  Work is wonderful, I don't know where I'd be without it. But it's also wonderful to stand back and appreciate our work and be thankful.

How about you?  I know you work hard, and I know you want to keep moving forward.  But you exist to do more than work.  If it's been awhile since you took sometime to reflect, what better time to start than TODAY!  Better yet carve out some time in your daily routine to rest and refuel.

How To Have Your Best Vacation Yet!

by Cory MacNeil

You've worked hard all year, and now it's time to take a break....the question is, what makes a great vacation?  After all, you only have a limited amount of time and you want to make the most of it.  We're glad you asked!  Taking a vacation doesn't have to be difficult.  A vacation can be an amazing part of your year....a time to recharge and make great memories with friends and loved ones.

The problem is, the human experience doesn't go away just because you have a week's worth of free time.  Let me explain.  Just because you have a week off, it doesn't mean your marriage is going to improve if it's been on the rocks awhile.  This applies to every area, including personal debt, health, spirituality, fitness, etc.  It's great, that you have a week off, but if you've let the chickens out during the last year, be sure they're going to come home and roost!

Maybe by now, you're not so excited about your upcoming vacation because there are issues you'll have to deal with.  Relax, there's hope.  You can still have a great vacation.  In fact, it can still be your best vacation yet.  Here are some tips to help.  But first, a bit of wisdom.

"Go to the ant, you slacker!  Observe its ways and become wise.  Without leader, administrator, or ruler, it prepares its provisions in summer; it gathers its food during harvest."  Before you get all out of sorts about the slacker bit, think about what the writer in Proverbs 6:6-8 is saying.  Although you lack wisdom, it's yours for the taking if you'll take time to take ONE small step.

If you're thinking about stopping for an extended period of time, it MAY do you some good to stop beforehand.  Look before you leap.  Huge change doesn't happen over night, it's a result of lots of baby steps.  Ants are tiny, but they are able to do great works over a period of time, by carrying out small, simple tasks on a daily basis.  By the way, a slacker is someone who avoids pain.  We all get that.  Most people prefer comfort and pleasure.  Let's be honest.  Those aren't bad things.   Beware: don't  allow yourself to gravitate toward ease and the path of least resistance.  It's easy to stop doing difficult things that will improve not only the quality of your own life, but the life of others.

If you're planning on having a great vacation, the first step you might take is to make a plan.  A failure to plan is a plan to fail.  Sit down with a cup of coffee, some paper and a pen.  (Yes, paper!).  There's just something about writing things down.  Now, write down 5 or 10 things you'd like to do on your vacation.  If you're planning on a stay- cation, still take the time to make a list.  The weakest ink is stronger than the strongest memory.

Believe it or not, a lack of finances doesn't have to be an issue.  You're not taking a break to spend money, you're taking a vacation to spend TIME.  You can have just as much fun at the local public beach as you can in California.  Your wish list might include visiting an old friend.  Do some gardening, complete an unfinished product, meet with a spiritual mentor, etc.  Write down whatever comes to mind, you can always edit later.  The list doesn't mean that you have to do everything on it.  At this point, you are brainstorming.

If you've decided to work on one of the issues that surfaced earlier in this post, write it down!  You don't have to stress and work on it for your entire vacation, but you can take an ant step.  For instance, if it's personal debt, plan on taking a book out from the library that will educate you.  Plan to meet with someone who seems to have their financial act together, over coffee.  Balance your checkbook.  Look at your bills and identify needs and luxuries.  You get the idea.

The key is balance!  Too much of a good thing can be a not so good thing and this includes vacations.  Scrap your fitness routine for a week and you'll see what I mean.  Sleep in every day until noon and you'll understand.  Go on a drinking binge and eat fast food every meal....Ignore your relationships.  You get the idea.  Disrupting a routine you've worked hard to establish will derail your growth and progress.

Congratulations!  If you're about to take a break, you have a wonderful opportunity to experience your best vacation yet!  Hot dogs on the grill with some good friends can be just as wonderful- if not more- than an extravagant meal at an expensive restaurant.  Besides, that kind of meal won't take you ten years to pay off!

Are You Average?

by Cory MacNeil

Let me predict the future.  Walk into any public area today and you’ll see everyone looking at the same thing- their cellphones.  It’s reached epidemic proportions, especially on the highways and byways.  Most of us wouldn’t dare drink and drive, but few people can resist the urge to answer a ringing cell phone while driving, or worse yet, texting.

Now here’s a question.  Do you consider yourself average?  Most of you consider yourself above average in a certain area or two.  Maybe you believe you’re above average in looks, social skills, leadership, etc...intelligence, earnings.  If so, great.  Maybe you are.  That’s wonderful.  Congratulations!

And if you have no self-control?  Congratulations!  You’re average....or maybe just immature.  Being average is no big deal, that’s par for the course for most people.  And being immature is no big deal, either....if you’re 12 years old.  The good news is you can be above average and mature.  It’s your choice.  But you can’t be either without a dose of self- discipline.

If you are a leader, being average is a big deal and so is your immaturity.  Remember the thoughts on texting and driving?  Texting or talking while driving, displays not only a lack of character, but immaturity as well and it’s a good way to kill yourself or somebody else.

In fact, most workplaces have strict cell phone usage policies in place.  However, as Kingdom Workers, what does our own personal cellphone policy tell us about how seriously we take the Great Commission?  Funny isn’t it?  It’s a serious issue during a temporary, earthly appointment, but irrelevant when it comes to the most important eternal occupation ever.

As a pastor, I’m concerned about seeing people walking around like Zombies.  Not only is there a lack of focus and productivity in the world today, media addictions are destroying relationships right and left.  Write it down!  Cellphone abuse is tearing our families apart rather than uniting them in most cases.  If you disagree, go eat a pint of Hagan Daz.  

For instance, you wouldn’t dare stab a needle full of Heroin in your arm and push the plunger day after day, would you?  However, we’ve accepted the idea that an unhealthy addiction is o.k as long as it has a colorful screen and wi-fi connectivity.  Unhealthy addictions in any shape or form are not acceptable.  One shot of Heroin lasts for God knows how long....you can ‘shoot up’ with media, day and night, day after day.  Too much Heroin and you die....too much media and you get to go on living in a self- induced semi- coma.  Studies have actually shown that constantly looking at a screen reconfigures the hard wiring of your brain.  

How many of you have been in the middle of a conversation when the other person’s phone rings?  Instantly, you wonder what's going to happen.  There’s the moment of truth....will they answer it, or won’t they.  You’re about to find out how you rank in that other person’s world, aren’t you?  If you answer (I realize there are emergencies), congratulations!  You’re average.  Again, that’s your choice.  You may have both character and maturity, but the signal you send MAY be interpreted differently.  The message you send may say “I’m average and immature, and I have no self- control.  Want to buy some of my stuff?

Why?  Because our actions in public are a reflection of our habits behind closed doors.  In fact, private decisions always go public.  Based on my purchases, you know what kind of car I thought about buying....house, shoes....the wife I thought about marrying.  The visible is always a picture of the invisible.

If you’re only 50 pounds overweight....Congratulations!  If you spend inordinate amounts of time on FB....Congrats!  If you take your spiritual life or leadership lightly....Congratulations!- you’re average.

Speaking of statistics, 84 percent of people surveyed in a new TIme Mobility Poll said they couldn’t go a single day without their mobile device in hand.

One in four people check their phones every thirty minutes, while one in five check every ten.

Time Magazine’s Deputy Managing Editor, Nancy Gibbs, wrote: “It’s hard to think of any tool, any instrument, any object in history with which so many developed so close a relationship so quickly as we have with our cell phones.”

The same article shared this great quote: “Thumbs are stronger, attention shorter, temptation everywhere.  We can always be mentally, digitally, some place other than where we are.”

If you don’t have anything better to do than play Candy Crush Saga or Angry Birds, while people’s eternal destinies are hanging in the balance, perhaps it’s time for a change.

If you’re sexting with someone other than your spouse and thinking it’s not going to have long term consequences, think again.

If you take your cellphone to bed with you, don’t be surprised if you end up exhausted or dead of a heart attack or stroke before 50.

The following story illustrates why this issue is so critical in our homes and families.  Years ago, I bought a new guitar.  Although I had a new one, my 6 year old son noticed I continued to play with my old guitar.  One day he observed, “Dad, you don’t like your new guitar, do you?”  I was shocked!  How did he know?  “How did you know?” I asked him.  “Easy,” he said, “you never play with it.”  (Out of the mouths of babes and infants).

Friends, what if our kids have gotten to the point where they believe we don’t love them because we never play with them? 

What if our spouses believe our media is more alluring to us than they are?

Conversely, what would happen if we exercised self- control and discipline in all areas of our lives?  I know, you’re Spirit-led except when it comes to using your cell phone.  I wonder if Jesus was alluding to the numb, half-lived existences people are experiencing today when he said: “I came so they might have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of?”  John 10:10 (The Message).

You’ve seen the cartoon.  A man is standing at the gates of heaven and St. Peter says: “You had such a wonderful life....the problem is you spent it staring at your cellphone!”  Friends, the kingdom deserves better than that.  Jesus deserves better than that.  Our friends and loved ones deserve better than that.  Lets stop acting like a bunch of dummies when it comes to using our cellphones!  Are you with me? 

How Do I Overcome F.O.M.O?

by Cory MacNeil

F.O.M.O is a common disease today.  The crux of the matter is there is so much going on in the world that we can't possibly keep up with it.  People are making new posts, new inventions are being announced, there's now a better way of doing things than yesterday....It leaves us with F.O.M.O (Fear of Missing Out).  Did anyone like my post?  Did anyone text me about going out for coffee this afternoon?  You get the idea.  The easy stage of F.O.M.O is the diagnosis, the difficult part is treatment.

A common form of F.O.M.O takes place on Facebook.  You find yourself checking out the site despite the fact that it always leaves you feeling numb.  Why?  The problem is that people on FB tend to put their best foot forward.  If you're not careful, you'll find yourself comparing your average day to other people's highlight reels.  And rest assured people will post about the smallest highlight.  They'll show you a picture of their gourmet lunch, their weight loss graphs, the receiving of their honorary degree and their acceptance at Harvard.

If you struggle with F.O.M.O, it's quite possible that you are trying to keep up with others.  Degrees are wonderful and so are blessings as well as honors and weight loss.  Kudos to you if you've posted about any of these things.  But if the success of others is causing you grief, chances are there's a lack of contentedness in your own life.  If this makes you backup for a minute, that's o.k.  If it makes you hot under the collar, get over it.  Instead of trying to keep up with others (impossible in some cases) you want to GROW, and anytime you attempt to do so, there will be growing pains.  So grow up.

Ask yourself why you're dissatisfied with your own reel.  Maybe it's time you unplug from the media stream for awhile or make a rule for yourself about constantly checking for updates.  Turn off the notification noises on your phone.  Read a good book anytime you get the urge to surf.  Take a walk.  Reflect.  Write a letter.  Call a friend (I like that one but it's amazing how little we optimize it with the advent of texting).  Instead of copying the reels of others, recognize the intense beauty and uniqueness of your own.  When you cherish the intimate moments in your own life (your child attempting to catch raindrops under the eaves while waiting for the bus) you begin to build a treasury archive that is a limited edition for you and you alone.  Post all of your highlights and you'll be left with nothing of your own to relish.  Rather than being dissatisfied, choose today to bask in your own contentedness.

If none of these things work, there's something else you can do.  Celebrate with others who are celebrating!  That's right, it's counter intuitive.  You don't have to flatter people....that's not right either, but you can rally with people who have something to really celebrate.  Someone has said, never have so many lives so little lived, been so highly recorded.  That may be true.  But some people really have something to be happy about.  

Looking for a change?  Rather than posting every highlight of your own, post sparingly about yourself.  Instead, go about affirming others.  Make encouraging comments.  Use exclamation points!  Add value to their lives.  Be a Facebook pastor (encourager).  But don't be a cop either.  Many times, LOVE keeps it's mouth shut and prays.  Affirm the positive and disregard the mess.  Don't you just love it when someone notices every little thing you do or say that's wrong?  Let's face it, despite all of the negative things that have come along with media, there are some wonderful aspects.  Make the transformation from a critic to one who inspires. 

It's fine if you hate FB.  Join the crowd, many do.  But it's still a wonderful way to monitor what's going on in the lives of the people you care about.  And it's a wonderful way to bless others we don't see on an ordinary basis.

Posting valuable content and only receiving a couple likes while watching a "shallow" post garner 150 likes is only frustrating if you allow it to be.  (Tweetable).

If you're like most, you're not only afraid of missing out on new info, you're afraid of missing out on the wave of popularity others are riding.  Nobody likes to eat dust.  Most people like instant success and popularity, but the problem is IT doesn't work that way.  Begin adding value to the lives of others (especially the obscure and unloved) and this can change, but it doesn't happen overnight.  In the meantime, you have to believe that what you're doing is noble and worthy of your time.  Weeping endures for a night, but joy comes in the morning.  The problem is some nights last for months and years and many aren't willing to wait that long.  Are you with me?

But the artist creates, regardless of recognition or positive feedback.  They don't demand rewards from the Law of Reciprocity for every little bit of value they add to the lives of others.  The artist is happy with little or no reward if only he has the opportunity to exercise his craft.  

So, the good news about F.O.M.O is that it's curable.  Rather than falling victim to it, celebrate not only your own journey, but the journey of others.  You be the cheerleader of others regardless of any return and you might just experience something greater than a like or two.  

How Long Should You Hold On?
by Cory MacNeil

Weeds!  Nobody likes them, but a lot of people tolerate them indefinetly.  It's just easier than buying some weed killer and taking the time to apply it.  Let's face it, WORK is a four letter word these days!  The problem is the presence of something unhealthy takes up the space of something healthy.  Get rid of the weed and a blade of grass can grow.  Today, you'll learn how to recognize when it's time to make a difficult change and how to go about doing it.

There are people who are aware of this principle and how it applies to their life.  Rather than allowing things to persist in an unhealthy state, they take action and get rid of the things between them and their preferred future.  Sometimes the things they get rid of can even be healthy.  It's not that good is a bad thing, good's just good.  But why stay with good if you can replace it with better?

Unhealthy people do just the opposite.  They may pull a weed or two in their life that is unpainful, but cringe at the thought of hurting someone elses feelings or being misunderstood.

A principle in the bible, no the other hand has better advice.  "A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it" according to Solomon in Proverbs 22:3.  And by the way, he was said to be one of the wisest men who ever lived.

When most people think about creating boundaries in their lives they believe it involves cutting ties with MGR's (Much Grace Required ) people.  If you do that, you may end up divorced and bereft of all friends and relatives.  After all, relationships can be hard work!  Rather than 'cutting bait' you'd do better to evaluate the relationship and determine if it's reparable or beyond repair.  Sometimes the  only way to find out is to get busy trying to fix it.  If you determine it's beyond repair, then you have to dump it.  Sounds harsh right?  The problem is that if you don't, it will come back to haunt you at the least opportune time!

For example, you don't replace a bald tire on your car.  It will hold up perfectly fine until you're on the way to your job interview.

Or, you don't pull the bad tooth.  Again, it doesn't break on Monday morning when the Dentist is open, it fractures at 6:00 p.m on Friday and you have to suffer all weekend.

Or, you have a heart attack the night before your daughter's wedding after decades of putting off physical exercise and a healthy diet.

So how do you know when it's time for a healthy ending?  After working on something and finding out it's unfixable,  you have to decide if the job, relationship, habit, hobby, situation, addiction is taking you in the right direction of your preferred future.  The choice to hang on when all other signs, evidence and experience dictates otherwise is just plain crazy!  Here are some weeds and possible ways of responding to them.

Not giving an alcoholic spouse an ultimatum is crazy!  Look, I love you, but I can't live this way.  I'm moving in with my sister until you get some help.  I don't want our children exposed to this any more.

Allowing someone to put you down after repeatedly asking them not to, is crazy!  Please don't call me anymore.  I appreciate our friendship, but I don't appreciate being the butt of all your jokes.  I've asked you in the past, so lets just take a break until you decide to make a change.

Lying for your co-worker for the four hundred and ninetieth time because you want to keep them happy is crazy! (Tweetable) Joe, the boss was looking for you again yesterday afternoon while you stepped out for two hours and I found myself making up another story.  As you know, this goes totally against everything I stand for and I can't do it any longer.

How do you know when something isn't quite right.  You'll know!  Listen to warnings and nudges from your inside in the form of inner dialogue.  You'll hear things like:

Something's not quite right here.

I feel like this happened before and I don't want it to happen again.

I told myself I'd never do this again, what am I doing here?

I'm going to regret this tomorrow.

This feels just like last time.

You get the idea....

There is no end to the hells you'll put yourself through if you are unwilling to take responsibility and control for your life.  

Too often, people 'put up' with nonsense when they could be making the changes that will take them forward.  Using Poison Ivy as toilet paper once happens, but why make the same mistake twice?  Is it time to hit the stop button on something in particular in your life that is unhealthy, maybe even good, that is taking up space for something that is healthy and life giving?  Pull the weeds, and plant a seed.

May you be blessed beyond measure today.  May you have the courage to cut the bait or make a change that's going to help you get healthier....socially, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc.  May God bless your small decisions and multiply your joy and sensitivity to Him.  May you share this principle with your friends and loved ones.

#38- The Point Is?
by Cory MacNeil

All I remember is one minute there was a man standing over a wagon hitch and the next minute he had dropped the hitch on his foot!!!!!

They brought the man into my Grandmother's house and took his shoe off.  There was lots of blood.  He sat in the chair my Great Grandmother always sat in when I tied her shoes for her.

What ever happened to the man, I'll never know.  I vaguely recollect someone saying he died an early death which isn't very surprising considering his previous track record.

I'm 100 percent positive this story happened, but I have no physical proof.  I'm sure it wasn't a dream, but again, I'm not 100 percent sure how I know that I'm 100 percent sure.

How about you?  Do you have any recollections like this?

I assure you I had no particular bible story in mind when telling this story.  It's just a story that I've  replayed in my mind for years and I just wanted to get it off my chest.  Funny how the mind and memory works isn't it?  

What are your thoughts?  Happy Friday, I'd love to hear from you.

The point of this post?  My motivation for writing it?  Fun!

Today, may you write a poem with your words and actions.  May you take time to wrestle with your mystery and history until the break of dawn.  May you get the world moving in a new direction.  May you love better than you did yesterday.  Be blessed!